Impending doom.

Once again assessment is looming so my procrastination tool is in the form of what has happened to me recently. And what is that you may ask? It may be perhaps to most a little known fact and one I infrequently divulge is that I have fallen in love once (or at least my sense of the term). Now its years on since that occasion and having never truly fallen out of it I mentioned this to the male companion and confidant in question.

Possibly the most difficult thing I have ever done, predominately due to the fact that it leaves one so vulnerable to hurt feelings, emotional scars and permanent memories. I thought that getting it out of my system would help me move on with the new male in my life because up until this point each male 'companion' in my life had been a disappointment in comparison and lacking the feelings I once felt.

I guess my greatest sense of loss that was with this situation it was out of anyone's control. The hardest part of all perhaps was that the feelings were mutual, at least in the sense of always have one part of ourselves reserved for that person. That little part of me that has been kept aside is full of our memories from happier times, full of laughter, dancing, singing, leisurely breakfasts, mix tapes, adventures, inebriated travels, photographs and late night conversations. That part of me will always belong to him and unlike others where I have managed to eject it from my system at least to the extent where I no longer think about it, this one stays with me.

That feeling that I once had attached to that person I doubt will ever go away. Moving past it is a lot more difficult then first thought, its not that I won't be completely blissfully happy with Mr Right Now but my attempts to get rid of the one that takes a part of me are going to continue to loom and I can't rush it away for a little while to be happy until the next period of singledoom.

I best be off as far too many assignments to complete but until next time,
much love,
xoxo