Yes, I do like indie and no I am not a snob/have no friends/slit my wrists

A fellow I once upon a time fancied and I would often have this conversation about our common love of music but one thing we never agreed upon is my love of 'depressing' music. This 'depressing' music is known by the many as alternative or indie music. They are depressing (yes I love joy division, yes it is depressing, yes ian curtis killed himself; I know I know I know) yet these songs make us feel connected to one another - when all appears to be falling apart (surely enough it happens a fair bit) somewhere out there someone else has felt those same emotions. A new love in your life that feels so familiar and safe? My favourite book. Just been dumped? Merry Happy. Moving on? Dog days. A relationship falling apart? Synchronized sinking. Feeling lost and just generally a bit down? Anything by Joy Division (or the cure or a million other indie bands). The thing is, yes, maybe the topics are depressing but aren't they realities of life? & shouldn't we have some kind of blanket to make us feel less alone. Some would argue its conformity but when you've made me feel less than I am worth then I want someone that just gets me and much of the time one of these artists has put pen to paper and turned it into a song. Yes, I do love a good beat and a fun song to let loose to but music is a wonderful form of therapy and has got me through some of the worst of times and provided me closure when they didn't or the sympathy from friends just wasn't enough. So for this I will always have a soft spot and a love of indie/alternative music and as much as I adore a good beat I will not turn my back on what has nursed me through tears, my wanting to punch you in the face and many other various emotions caused by all the people that float in and out of my life.



until next time,
much love xoxo

Well its almost been a month again and I thought it was time I updated you my dear blog about new bits and pieces and while I could so much has happened, new people, new pathways, major and minor events and one step closer to the end of the first year of my tertiary education. So instead of going into detail on all these little things I thought I'd send some lucksmiths love your way. This beautiful little Melbourne indie band is kinda great and this song is just the start synchronized sinking pulled a little at my heart strings I hope you heart it as much as I did.

You don't need to ask me twice
I'm not averse to giving advice
On a bar stool basis
Four o'clock sounds fine to me
I'll meet you at the library
There's privacy in public places
Oh, but, reader, heal thyself
Put the book back on the shelf
Something's obviously wrong
Your face is all day long
It was lovely when you laughed
Come on – please get it off your chest
It's a commonplace but I'd suggest
A problem shared is a problem halved
Kick a stone across the road
Explain or you'll explode


Until next time,
much love xoxo

Things I have learnt this last little while

So I haven't blogged in awhile but I thought I'd just do a little blog about things I've learnt in the last little while.




 Use a mirror when applying hair dye, patchy hair isn’t pretty
 Keep all your group certificates and other tax related gear together. Otherwise it is very painful to find when you go to do your tax.
 Invest in a large wardrobe. Opening the door to have clothes fall on you is no fun. I have not even tried to find things yet.
 Begin assignments in advance – trying to whip up 2000 words analysing research quickly is not easy.
 Bother to take care of yourself. Being sick just before exams suck.
 Do not become caffeine addicted or else waking up in the morning will become way too difficult.
 Do not flirt with a customer when your dad is standing at the door of your work. Sure, the guy may be cute but your dad picking on you on the car ride home and filling in the family is not enjoyable.
 Sit next to people that are quiet in lectures or print off the lecture slides otherwise, you will struggle during class.
 If you start comparing every scenario you get involved in to that of something in a film people maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay begin to worry. (the same goes for if you find yourself saying things like ‘ooo it had a really good rape scene'... you should also be concerned)
 Pictochat in lectures is always a good idea.
 Having a sibling that can be tech support is also a good idea.
 Being a gen-Yer which is more or less tech illiterate is no fun.
 Going out every weekend prooooooobably is a bad idea. Having said this it is rather enjoyable and warrants approval.
 Apparently putting on depressing music at parties is socially unacceptable. (slightly more acceptable if you can get a friend to dance with you)
 Calling international appears just as expensive as leaving a voicemail.
 Idea for wasting phone credit/post paid cap: play a song into the phone. The worse song the better. Never gonna give you up or Lovefool are appropriate or perhaps something by Coolio may float your boat. Though if they are actually a friend a good song is always nice.
 When attaching sequins to shoes use the right kind of glue (PVA – bad idea).
 One can never have too many bags or shoes... until they start taking up most of the shoe cupboard and have to resort to stashing some in your work locker.
 Snowglobes are amazing.
 So are poptarts and crème brulee tea
 & The perks of being a wallflower
 & BIFF
 & university life
 & The Garage
 & criminology
 It appears it is socially acceptable to slap strangers arses though I do not condone this behaviour.
 Lots of vodka and a 9am start is a bad idea
 Sitting between drunk friends in a lecture is funny though be prepared to listen to the podcast and read through the slides.
 People do not like it if you have more than one favourite.
 People will judge you by your celebrity free pass.
 What happened to all my female friends? Apparently I have more male ones?
 I will always have at least one band on my ipod that will offend someone.
 Transfer applications appear easier than you'd think.
 Job applications for tertiary institutions are daunting.
 Turning 18 hasn't had all that much of an impact though its nice to be an adult and have a say - especially as I am a tax payer now.
 Get organised early.
 Have an open mind.
 Second-hand books are better than new ones.
 Study using the right side of the brain.

until next time
much love xoxo

Epiphany

I had a large rant planned about realizing that I just keep running a way from everything, all the same shit, all the time every time I move and that when everyone is getting on with their lives I am stranded. At the end of the day all that it is is that I am waiting for a big fucking epiphany. Something that gives me some direction and the fact is I keep running a way in hope of finding it and this strategy just isn't working for me.

I guess I just had a shit day.

Until next time,
much love xoxo

The truth about males & females.

So my friends boyfriend always has a go at the fact I have male friends & one in particular. He always insists that he is either wants to have sex with me or must most definately be gay - essentially he does not believe males and females can't be just friends. Tonight he sent me a quote which made me giggle. It does ultimately have some truth.



DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.



until next time,
much love xoxo

From The Edge Of The Deep Green Sea - The Cure

Every time we do this I fall for her,
wave after wave after wave, it's all for her I know this can't be wrong I say
(and I’ll lie to keep her happy)as long as I know that you know
that today I belong, right here with you, right here with you...

and so we watch the sun come up from the edge of the deep green sea
and she listens like her head's on fire, like she wants to believe in me, so I try
put your hands in the sky, surrender, remember, we'll be here forever and we'll never say goodbye...

I’ve never been so colourfully-see-through-head before
I’ve never been so wonderfully-me-you-want-some-more
and all I want is to keep it like this you and me alone
a secret kiss and don't go home don't go away
don't let this end please stay not just for today

never never never never never let me go she says
hole me like this for a hundred thousand million days
but suddenly she slows and looks down at my breaking face, why do you cry? What did I say? But it's just rain I smile brushing my tears away...

I wish I could just stop, I know another moment will break my heart
too many tears, too many times, too many years I’ve cried over you

how much more can we use it up? Drink it dry? Take this drug?
Looking for something forever gone but something we will always want?

Why why why are you letting me go? she says, I feel you pulling back
I feel you changing shape... and just as I’m breaking free
she hangs herself in front of me,slips her dress like a flag to the floor
and hands in the sky, surrenders it all...

I wish I could just stop, I know another moment will break my heart
too many tears, too many times, too many years I’ve cried for you
it's always the same, wake up in the rain, head in pain, hung in shame
a different name, same old game, love in vain
and miles and miles and miles and miles and miles away from home again...

It was by chance that I picked up The Cure's album Wish ('92) and popped it into my cd player and let it run through and for some reason for a change I found myself really listening to the lyrics. There is something about this song that just felt so... the only word I can think of is profound. It just made me feel. I hope you listen to it and it moves you as much as it did me.

In that moment, I swear we were infinite

I thought it was about time I blogged again well mostly I felt like writing a diary entry so I figured I should blog it. My life is full of goodbyes (or see ya laters) which never appear to get easier and even though I get one more day with one of my best friends (he's from the states here on holidays) when he returns from the coast before his flight back home part of me already knows he is gone, two years of separation we have remained friends and I don't doubt we will keep it up again but it doesn't hurt any less that is for sure.

Anyway I thought I would share with you the mix tape tracks I put together for him, some sentimental, some make me happy, some are rediculous, some he had recomended me and some I had recomended him. All in all one of the best moments and one of my happiest in awhile was hanging out at one of my friends places and there was four of us, my American bffl included and we sung along to most of the songs, I can't sing at all but it was the best feeling sharing those songs and those lyrics. I guess you just had to be there.


1. Crooked Teeth - Death Cab For Cutie
2. Caring is Creepy - The Shins
3. Postcard - An Horse
4. In the Aeroplane over the Sea - Neutral Milk Hotel
5. Wagon Wheel - Old Crow Medicine Show
6. Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead
7. Our Own Way - Sparkadia
8. Your Ex-Lover is Dead - Stars
9. Seize the Day - Wax Tailor
10. Hear me out - Frou Frou
11. Bittersweet Symphony - (cover) Coldplay ft Richard Ashcroft
12. Dance, dance, dance - Lykke Li
13. What am I supposed to be doing? - The Bedroom Philosopher
14. Strange Overtones - David Byrne & Brian Eno
15. It's A Fact (Printed Stained) - Matt & Kim
16. Flippers - Art vs Science
17. Walking on a Dream - Empire of the Sun
18. Breathe - Telepopmusik
19. I'm so postmodern - The Bedroom Philosopher
20. Ever fallen in love (with someone you shouldn't've) - Buzzcocks
21. Everybody's got the same insecurities as you - The Bedroom Philosopher
22. Why can't I be you? - The Cure
23. Blue Orchid - The White Stripes
24. Music is my hot, hot sex - CSS
25. Everything that happens - David Byrne & Brian Eno
26. The district sleeps alone tonight - The Postal Service
27. World Spins Madly On - The Weepies
28. Life is long - David Byrne & Brian Eno
29. The Heart Song - The Bedroom Philosopher
30. Just a boy - Angus & Julia Stone
31. A Lack of Colour - Death Cab for Cutie


okay so very long list and it fills two tapes but they all deserve their place there.
so I hope you enjoy them as much as I do should you ever listen to them.
my inital quote I borrowed from the novel said American friend brought me here called The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky and I'd like to think that how Charlie felt in that moment was much like the moment I shared with my friends singing along to those songs...
"In that moment, I swear we were infinite"
That we were.



until next time,
much love xoxo

A home I should probably aknowledge for who I am

I always call Sydney my home despite not being born there and I always say I grew up there because in theory I did between the ages of 3-13 (almost 14). But then I think about the growing up I have done or at the very least getting older & my life experience. But when I think back most of this has been in the last 3 & 1/2 years that I have spent in Brisbane (since the beginning of '06. The year I spent in Newport - '05 was the biggest waste and probably the worst year even though I did meet some great people).

In the last three years I have gone through more emotions and identity sculpting situations than the rest of my life. I've met these amazing people that have opened my world to all these amazing things - different places, cultures (food, yum!), different art forms be they fine or performing arts. Of course there were the typical experiences associated with youths - parties, relationship - problems predominately, independence, exploring, experimenting with an array of contexts, sharing love with peers, so on and so forth.

But finally I am finding my niche. In this city I love to loathe. I am finding my niche. I am finding it in Brisbane. Go figure.

until next time,
much love xoxo

I wonder if I'd get along with them...

You know what I mean, those friends you make when you are in a tad of a state, I question if I'd befriend them if I was my typical self.
Thursday was yet another one of those occasions where I probably should think before I act. Before I knew it I was telling my life story to a young fellow (happened to be the guy my good friend c***blocked to try get an in with TMBGITW). So there I was spewing my life story to this poor young fellow about everything from going out, a recent party, recent male problems, sport, my favourite English club, marriage; it is quite possible I covered a good chunk of my life in a not so conscious state. The lovely thing was he was quite happy to chat back, look after me/make sure I didn't get hit by a bus and he didn't run a mile when he had to listen to the story of my life. I don't know about you but I think this one is a keeper.

Until next time,
much love
xoxo

borrowed topics

Okay so really I stole this from ash BUT I thought it was rather brilliant and something I like to do occasionally that is arranging books so their titles make flow on sentences and other such. Anyway! I thought I'd share one with you (particularly as Alice is nagging me to blog!). So yes, enjoy!

Until next time,
much love
xoxo

wonderful friends make up for shite feelings.

males have a tendency to be problematic in my life, lately this has been no exception. Last night I was particularly down but these wonderful people picked me right back up on my feet.

WF1
"Honestly, he's all kinds of fucked up,"
"I'd prefer not to see you unhappy"

WF2
dropped by my work today with a box of chocolates and when I finished I found the best text,
"Just thought I'd say I hope you're feeling better than last night. Honestly you're fabulous and don't deserve to be unhappy! xo"


I know one of them reads this blog occasionally and the other doesn't but I thought they both deserved a rant on how much I appreciate them both. So I made a little I love you more than blank. Thanks guys for being genuinely fantastic.

Until next time,
much love
xoxo

Tradition.

This is a story for only those who were there could understand.

A favourite scene

I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's work, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV's while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad - worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot - I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, Goddamnit! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!' I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: "I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

Howard Beale - Network - 1976

Until next time,
much love
xoxo

another post again.

wow it feels like too long since I wrote my last post but it'll only be a week tomorrow.
anyway allow me to fill you in on my life so far as an 18 year old...

well to be honest I've been working a lot ): and haven't slept in at all not one day since being on holidays. well Saturday i did until 10:30 but that was recovery from Friday night so it was not a nice sleep in. Thursday saw me get my id yay! friday, saturday (though went out for dinner), sunday & today were work filled with monday having lunch with two friends and later a trip to the red room.

Anywayyyy finally had my first proper 18+ night out on friday - about time.
First was AASS (accidentally annie street space) this was just down the road - performance art - rather wonderful shall be going back again.
then off to the city we (chelsea & i) went to meet tim (scott) & rob (mckee) while waiting we went to the belgian pub consumed a beverage in anticipation before a night which involved - UJs, the embassy and downunder bar (oh yes how classy i know, whatever it was fun). So chelsea and i taught a bunch of guys the chelsea dance, i got picked on: chelsea "lets go to the European twin bar" I sat down on the path in protest which ended up with tim and rob picking me up and carrying me the rest of the way to the next place and last but not least i met a guy from manchester by the name of adam whom i will probably see again in the near future.

All in all a good, successful night out.
Classy? no.
but rather fun nevertheless though i am dying for the valley and i do not care how small rics is i reaaaaaaaally want to go there.
But I am so putting down the next AASS in my diary.

Anyway must be off

much love
xoxo

PS the cure the cure the cure the cure the cure loooooooooooooove

18 years.

Today marked my 18th birthday. Many a thing happened. I like lists. Allow me to list a few.

• morning presents with the family. I now can officially vote before my dad in Australia. yay!
• met with Jess at 9 *ouch early* and Livi, met Jess's friend Justin and later Claire.
• Paddington -> lava lounge & op-shopping
• West end -> nandos & the cupcake parlour
• Candles
• The 'old mans erection'
• Bin on fire
• Hobo fire
• Photos
• Laughter
• Coffee
• Cupcakes
• Vintage shoe failure
• New people
• New ideas
• Fun ahead
• Uni pals
  
• Final exam - survived
• Holidays
• 18ness

much love
xoxo

okay so do not kill me for excessive posting this is a new novelty for me, give me some time.
so a sweet little list of memories from Sydney trip '08.

• 4am @ Brisbane domestic
• lack of sleep hyperactivity (PCD i still have no idea what that stands for)
  
• Daily morning coffees at Sappho's
• Street art
• Gleebooks and all the other brilliant bookstores Glebe has to offer
• Glebe Markets - mishmash of brilliant vintage and quirky
  
• Dancing at Sydney Dance Company
• Late night hot chips from the place across the road
• Apple cider
• Lots and lots of tea
• Sydney Morning Herald
  
• Hot Tom's weather presenter
• Staying in
• Going out
• Daylight until later at night
• Leichhardt
• Bar Italia
• Best coffee I have ever had and gelato so cheap!
• Public transport - trams again
• QVB
• The domain
• Hyde Park
• NSW State Art Gallery
• Monet & the impressionists
• Wild weather
• Broadway shops
• Places still being open late
• The cross
• Bowling
• Good food
• George st McDonalds (thanks a lot bec)
• Hotel reception
• Thai restaurants
• Parramatta Road
  
• Postcards
• New people
• Happiness

so many more but I'll leave it at that for now

much love
xoxo

Sappho books & cafe, Glebe

I get ever so home sick when I see these photos.
I need to go back oh so soon.
<3 Sydney's inner-west

much love
xoxo

My love

So rather than rambling on today I am leaving you with a pretty picture of a love of mine. lookbook. It probably consumes too much of my time but it does rather make me smile.
anyway hope you all have a lovely day.

Much love
xoxo

just another photo

A new path...

Just a short blog today...

Today in a nutshell...

• LGP exam all over
• Contemplated my religious beliefs & life after death
  
• Mitch walked into a sign while Candy almost got hit by a bus
• Giggled at the articles in mX
  
• Watched a little too much telly
• Made yummy creme brulee tea (I need to get some more from T2 asap)
• Soy crisps are far too yummy
• Merlo > the garage today, just too convenient
• Rid myself of two more text books
• Another day closer until the end of semester

Lets see what tomorrow shall bring.

Much love
xoxo

Goodbye Glebe

another procrastination tool, another neglected subject.

Who would have thought semester one would have gone so fast?
Still not use to heart-attack hill at the mount gravatt campus, still spend too much time drinking coffee over study (dear garage, I love you), still leaving things until the last minute. For the most part I managed to stick to not going out with a couple of exceptions. One exam is down (8:30 on a Saturday how cruel) with two to go. The final on Wednesday conveniently my 18th with 5 & 1/2 weeks holidays approaching.

News-ish. Moving to the Graceville house with milla & alice soonish. A dinner party of some sort shall be arranged after the 14th of July upon milla's return from Melbourne. Chris shall be in Australia on the 16th so it shall most likely be held off until he can join us. All is looking rather lovely. Maddie and (hot) Tom (from Sydney) shall be with us in the near future also. Yay!

Ahhh... I should go study before I fail law, gov & policy (seven mini essays & 2 hours hmm)! yaaaay.

much love and kisses
xoxo